change

it’s crazy how so much can happen in just a month or two
as graduation came and went
and grad night.
and the river trips
and the orientation
and summer progresses, i find myself in a different state of mind

one that is aware of the future endeavors and is actually okay with it

i’ve been disappointed a lot lately in terms of family and friends and myself
but i think it was needed, i now i have a new perspective and i’m definitely ready for a change of pace :)

i guess this is growing up

we’re all in the mood for a melody

ahh. exactly one month left until graduation
what a trip.

i look back on this year and i feel like so much has happened in such a short amount of time.
and yet i was so eager for the year to be over so a new chapter in my life could begin. crazyy how time just flies

and even with the graduation so close i still take the whole thing lightly.
i don’t feel like we’re going to say goodbye, but more of a see you later
kind of a naive way to look at things i guess but i can’t help but want to keep my friends, so can u blame me?

life is so crazy..

additional thought

I thought my day was going to end pretty well, but I guess not.

I know everyone has had trouble with friendship and ish, but this has been bothering me for some quite time.
I realize it’s difficult to find out who your true friends are but I feel like it’s a little late in my life to be having this difficulty. Shouldn’t I already know by now? Or is it something that just always remains an issue. I feel like it shouldn’t if you have absolute certainty. I guess I’m overthinking again.

Anyways, I think I’m too dependent on the company of others for my happiness. But to me happiness is better shared and I find myself going out of my way to bring happiness for my friends, yet sometimes I feel like I’m forgotten. It’s kind of a weird feeling.
I’m on some kind of rollercoaster because of all this stress I know it.. but maybe I’m onto something.

Eh. It shall pass after this week :)

takeeee two.

I wrote a blog about an hour ago but accidentally pressed the refresh page.. kinda ticked me off haha.

Butttt I am back :)

I feel weird re-writing the same thing again.. cept you won’t know that, so I guess it doesn’t matter :D

Anyways,

I took my first ap test today of the three total. It wasn’t AS bad as I thought it would be but I know I defintely did not do so hot. But even though I still have two more to go, I feel like a large weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
There’s still a good amount of work to do, especially cramming in the last minute studying haha, but for the most part..it’s almost over! :)
Life shall be good and we shall be freeee!

That reminds me of another recent pattern I’ve been going through lately. I’ve been so anxious and excited about the rest of May and June that I find myself just daydreaming about it.
Today during the last part of the FRQ I kept thinking, dang we’re almost doneee!
Not even just with the tests but just with high school in general, what a trippy thought.

But that’s a good thing right?
Time for a new chapter, time for progress.
Something different :)

You with the sad eyes…don’t be discourageddd.
That song’s been stuck in my head for a while now

an education.

I have recently fallen in love with movies.

I mean, I’ve always loved movies, who doesn’t?
But since the beginning of spring break I’ve seen several and I’ve liked all of them.
They left me with a good little feeling inside. haha as lame as that sounds. But they’ve made me smile and laugh and think about other aspects of life besides the current condition.

For some reason it made me think of the recent play we read in my lit class, Glass Menagerie.
One of the characters, Tom, mentions movies as an escape from his life because they allow him to go on adventures.
Movies have so much power. They can inspire, motivate, raise our spirits, make us cry, and so much more.
This doesn’t mean all movies are good though, there are SO many horrible movies haha. But the effective movies..dang. appreciatinnn’ fa sho :)

I’m going to stop with one last line that has nothing to do with this movie topic.
“What do you care about?”

Patience

is so difficult for me.

I get this overwhelming excitement and all of sudden it’s like. okay I have to have this now, I have to know this now, etc.
It’s terrible..

On a brighter note, spring break!! :) soon. haha four days actually and freedom for a week. except it might be the best spring break or the worst one. kind of extreme i know, but riight on the day of spring break everyone will find out their results for the out of states and privates.. ahhhhhhhh scary. i was really relieved after the UCs notified people but now this anxiety and nervousness is back. hoping for the best, expecting the worst? I don’t know anymore.

I also realized that graduation is FREAKING CLOSE. i mean i was so occupied with college ish and classes that i didn’t even notice the time flying by. it’s definitely bittersweet…

k so going on a tangent here, i went to Santa Barbara today! with my sister. and we went to the beach and rented bikes for about 2 hours. it was an amazing feeling to just ride along the beach and feel the air. life’s good you know?
but then i had to drive back and then i kept thinking about how april 1st is only a couple days away and it tainted my happiness..
it’s okay :D everything happens for a reason! i think.

so, to end my saturday, i’m currently playing POKEMON. ruby version yeee. haha staying home after a long day, plus my mom’s mad because i used up so much gas.. oops.

Chinamen do look like bears.

i’m obviously delirious and way too bored of my China outline..

so, it’s 1:30 am. and as i talk to my dear friend jenn about moths in her closet, i’ve decided to blog.

not much to say tho..
these past few weeks have been very relaxing/stressful
and i say this because i’ve been in “DGAF” mode for a while. and that is causing the stress late at night(like tonight) because apparently second semester matters to my teachers.. hmm.
i’ve been trying to get myself out of this mindset but it’s pretty hard when i honestly do not care anymore.
3 1/2 years of high school has completely drained me and i duno if i can make it to 4 !

btw…does anyone know how to find/kill moths?


^^^ it’s keeping me awake..